I have made a discovery. Without benefit of eyesight, I have been presented with a substance that is long and thin, sort of sticky, and without a residue. It is not alive, or at least it makes no resistance to being handled. It has no head (or much of one if it has one). It is probably brainless or so nearly so that it does not react to being bitten. No screams or moans are made.
It tastes mildly sweet and pleasant. Its slightly sticky texture is cool and offers slight resistance--al dente. I find myself wanting to consume more of the thing. I wonder if it grows on stalks and is fed by earth. It is probably created in a laboratory and duplicated.
My report will tell that I definitely feel that the "thing that doesn't bite back" needs further study and possible importing to the folks back home.